This week I've been suffering - as many of us do - with self-doubt. Is my writing good enough? Why isn't this easier? Maybe my stories aren't being 'seen' by enough people because my writing really is terrible. Our brains are horrible to us.
Many of us are afraid. Afraid to hurt other people. Afraid to try in case we fail. Afraid to throw ourselves into things in case it proves we'll just never be good enough. It's especially obvious when you get women on the mat in the dojo. Painfully obvious just how socialised they are not to hurt people; not to be physically resilient; not to believe they are capable of mastering something as potentially lethal as a martial art. Women hit you, then apologise all the time. It takes ages to stop that habit.
But, with time and training, both men and women will learn to overcome their fears in incremental steps, and will become capable martial artists. Often women are better than men because they can't use strength to make techniques work. They have to do it right or it just won't work.
Mastering a martial art gives people just that little bit of extra self-belief that can be critical in times of stress and fear. In a true fight, self-doubt and fear will cause you to hesitate and you will lose the fight before you even start.
In writing it's not always so clear when you're improving and succeeding. There are no coloured belts to achieve. It takes every writer time and practice to overcome their instinctive fear of not being good enough - of being judged unworthy. Even the best writers admit they, too, experience bouts of self-doubt.
It's normal, but they don't let it cripple them or stop them writing.
We are a tribal animal. We rely on feedback to know our place in the tribe and to survive as a group. Self-doubt is hardwrired into our brains as part of our need to fit in and survive. Accept that you'll never completely overcome it. Understand why it's there. Let it go as a pointless waste of time. Every little new skill you learn IS improving your writing. If you're learning and thinking about what you want to get across to the reader, then your writing probably is improving, even if you can't see it and don't get a grading certificate.
You'll never be perfect. Accept that.
Use the doubt to improve your skills, but don't let it stop you from writing.
I live in Australia - which tells you I have a sense of humour. We're a self-deprecating people, we Aussies. My aim is to, one day, vanish in a blinding flash of enlightenment. In the mean time, I'm doing my best to learn as many